


What You Can’t Have

by RosesInMoonlight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28606125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosesInMoonlight/pseuds/RosesInMoonlight
Summary: Two broken boys reflect on what they missed out on.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Neville Longbottom
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	What You Can’t Have

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work that I’ve published in well over ten years. Just a tiny little drabble to ease myself back into it. Unbeta’d so all mistakes are my own. I hope you enjoy!

“She’s not yours.” 

Harry froze, one hand in mid air as he reached for the portrait hole. He screwed his eyes shut, as though that would keep him hidden, and fought back memories of the last time he had been interrupted like this. Granted a lot of things had changed since then. He was no longer a scared little boy and neither was the man confronting him, instead of inky darkness the Gryffindor common room was bathed in the soft light of dawn. Harry opened his eyes without turning around, in the early morning sun he could almost forget about the destruction that lay just outside the Fat Lady. The dust that lingered in the air could be mistaken for glittering magic; so tantalising and tangible dancing in the golden beams. He could almost forget the terrible explanation behind its existence. 

“Neville, I -“ he began but words failed him. It was hard to argue with someone who was right. She wasn’t his. But that didn’t stop his heart from disagreeing, beating a frantic tattoo from the second he’d awoken without her. It was the first time, the very first time since the beginning of the Horcrux Hunt that Hermione had not been in his immediate vicinity. And it hurt. He wasn’t sure at what point he realised that Hermione was as essential to him as breathing. It wasn’t a grand epiphany that struck him like the Hogwarts Express or a stunner to the chest. If pressed, Harry could describe it more akin to polishing silver, a task he was subjected to many a time under Petunia Dursley. He would come across a spoon, or a knife, or a fork, that would have tarnished way beyond that of the others. Now, Harry would know that the gleaming silver was just underneath yet after countless rounds of furious polishing the shine of the restored silver would always take his breath away. It was like this, that Harry learned he would be okay no matter how many times the Dursleys knocked him down. And it was like this, that Harry learned he was in love with Hermione Granger. He crawled out of the tent one morning to relieve her of her watch and she looked up and smiled at him, and it took his breath away. 

Harry slowly lowered his slightly trembling hand, counting to ten to quell the anxiety that threatened to overflow. Moving with extreme caution, Harry finally turned to meet Neville’s level gaze. 

“If I could just -“ Harry attempted before the subtle shift in Neville’s face gave him pause. Pity. Neville Longbottom was looking at Harry Potter with pity. A fire roared to life within Harry’s chest, consuming him faster than any fiendfyre he’d ever seen. His face flushed as he balled his fists at his side, refusing to draw his wand on his housemate. But the words from Neville’s mouth extinguished the flames just as quick. 

“I know what it feels like to what want you can’t have, Harry. I won’t pretend to know what it’s been like all these years between you two. But I know Hermione. I know her smile, her quick mind, her caring heart. I know how she’ll make you feel like the centre of her universe when she’s with you. When I came to Hogwarts I knew that I would be an outcast. I hoped otherwise but given how my own family could barely stand me before my accidental magic kicked in, I thought I best be prepared. I would put my head down, be amenable and friendly but keep out of trouble, and out of the limelight. Meeting Hermione Granger on the train shattered all of those carefully crafted plans. She made me feel like I mattered, like I could make a difference. She made me want to be more. But I was too slow, always just a step behind. 

“She used to cry to me you know?” Neville intoned, “About once a week last year. She was worried about you, devastated over Ron, drowning under the weight she kept piling onto her shoulders. I tried to help her as best I could but I fumbled it again. I thought that because she came to me to rant that I couldn’t need her the way I used to. I didn’t take potions anymore, had a new wand for my other classes so I withdrew unless she wanted to cry. God, if I could go back, I’d take her in my arms and I would show her it was okay to be weak, I’d show her she was loved.

“But she’s not mine. She’s not yours either. We both missed out, Harry. We both know where she is right now.” Harry flinched, remembering Hermione’s dot on the Marauder’s Map, almost illegible in its proximity to Ron’s somewhere else in the castle. 

“It seems unfair doesn’t it?” Neville continued, “That we were here every step of the way while he chose to swan in and out of her affections. Seems unfair that he’s going to have it all, two parents that love him, siblings that would die for him and now he gets the girl.” 

Harry sagged at these words. The tension that fuelled him from first hearing Neville’s voice rushed from his body and his knees shook. Neville gave him a moment or two to compose himself and then clapped a large hand to his shoulder. 

“C’mon mate, it won’t seem so bad after a while.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Reviews are graciously appreciated but by no means expected.


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